An SEOs Love Story V 2.0 Living With Dying
March 13, 2010
Here is the original story: An SEO Love Story – This Post Is Not About SEO
I help people get there websites properly indexed by Google for their targeted keyword phrases. The idea is to their their websites high up in the search engine results, and more specifically in the Google search results. I really enjoy what I do as it can have an enormously positive impact on my clients business. I believe in a triple win philosophy where the searcher is happy because they found may clients site and they had their want fulfilled. The client is happy because their website is finally producing income and I am happy because they are happy. I really love what I do. I don’t sell useless products or services like many SEO do just to make a buck. My work is truly a labor of love.
But it is a woman named Geri that I meet eight years ago and who I grew to love that has my attention, now. She is dying. She doesn’t like me saying that because she doesn’t want to loose hope. I however must deal with the cards that I have been dealt. Her liver is shot and when your liver isn’t working lots of other body parts begin to fail as well.
She ended up being hospitalized on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day. I took her there again on New Years Day. Every time the visits are getting closer together. On the way to the hospital she jokingly asked what’s the next holiday. Then she wryly asked isn’t there a presidents birthday coming up. Faced with adversity she went for levity.
We don’t have insurance so the emergency room is our entry point for health care. Every time we leave they give us treatment plans that are never fulfilled because we can not pay for them. We have tried to get government assistance but we are still waiting.
Yesterday, they could barely draw blood because she never got the transfusions that she needs ans has lost a lot of blood. The liver helps the blood clotting process and without that she bleeds easily. I feel so guilty that this business could not been able to support her medical needs. I am a very emotional person and writing about our struggles is my release valve.
But out of all of this there was a success story. We made it to the library on New Years Eve. It was our first trip outside the home together since she was put on oxygen 24/7. It may not sound like much but for us it was like a holiday. Later we sat in bed together and talked, not only that, we laughed and smiled. I allowed my silly side to come out and her smile seemed to be the happiest smile that I had ever seen. She actually looked cute from behind her oxygen cannula. It was as if it wasn’t there. I will always cherish that moment, her smile, and that radiant glow. Then she began the downward spiral again.
She would not let me stay this time in the emergency room. She said she could not tolerate seeing me sad sad and uncomfortable and that it was too hard on her. She’s dying and she worrying about me. That is what I would call An SEO love story. As it was I could not sleep. I just put on another pot of coffee and I wait and when I can not wait any more I will call the hospital to find out what room she is in… or if…
An update 01/25/2010: Well, Geri has managed to stay out of the hospital for about 18 days until recently. She has returned again for the fourth time in less than three months. This time she has acquired pneumonia even though she has had a recent vaccine shot. Apparently, it does cover all the various varieties. This is scary stuff. Ever time that she has returned to the hospital a few pints of blood got her feeling better almost withing 24 hours, but not now the rules are different this time around.
I am scared and trying very hard not to show it. She asked me today “Do I looked any better today? The nurses said that I look better.”OMG, I wanted to cry. My response was “You look marvelous, darling.” All the while I was praying that she was to tired to read the pain in my face. I quickly changed the subject.
Again, I want to thank all of who have visited and left us with your kind words and thoughts. I especially want to thank a blogger named Mitch who was returned to follow this story and has left very warm and kind messages.
I want to thank all of you who have supported us with your thoughts and prayers.
Since late November my Soul Mate, my Friend, my SO (Significant Other), Geri and I have been valiantly struggling with life, living, happiness and the uncertainty that is inherent with dying. From time to time I have returned here to my blog to share our lives with you. Tonight, I will be sharing what we learned today while visiting her new primary care physician.
We have become more proactive about her health care and we had determined we need to find a doctor who would become more involved in her care. We had been getting the run around from her health care providers about her life expectancy. This doctor did an extremely thorough exam. He preformed like most doctors would if they had time. His insightfulns and patience were very reassuring to us. We nodded to each other during his in depth questioning acknowledging this guy was a keeper.
Then in a very straight forward manner he inquired if we wanted to know the truth about her life expectancy. Geri, trying to protect me suggested that I leave. I refused, I had expectations of getting a health reality check today, so I wasn’t going anywhere. He suggested that she likely had three months to live. It was what I wanted to hear while at the same time it was not what I wanted to hear. I was quickly overcome with grief and it showed. It showed so much so that the doctor expressed his regret for have gone down this path.
I reassured him that even though it was extremely difficult for us to face we had to know. All of our care providers had avoided discussing death and dying with us. However, the new doctor stepped right up and deliver a strong dose of reality for us. I assured him that this was really important for us it would now allow us to openly address our end of life decisions.
(Snack break time)
Well, I just took a break and ended up having a very open talk with Geri about what we had experienced today. I noted that I was blogging about it just prior to this discussion. She is note real thrilled to have our lives on display this way, but she recognizes it value for me and relents with the classic rolling of her eyes. In her usual blunt approach she explains to me that “I don’t care about dying” she pauses. Then she explains “I’ll be dead so I won’t care. It is you and others that I care about, you’ll be left behind.” We have grown to call these moments “Gerisms.”
This was one the best exchanges that I may have ever had with Geraldine. It was a no walls zone where we discussed the reality of her ending days. At times like this life takes on new dimensions. Things that didn’t much matter matter a lot and things that were important aren’t so much anymore. We are truly living one day at a time. As for Geri her spirits remain extremely positive despite the grim prognosis. The most important thing for me is that she is not in pain which she isn’t.
Now a business update:
On the brighter side of things business wise. I am working on the details for a new product launch where I will be providing video SEO and link building training. I am very excited about this project. It will be a component of a much larger program. That program will include providing websites for small business owners along with hosting and SEO for a monthly fee.
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One Response to “An SEOs Love Story V 2.0 Living With Dying”
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Urban,
I stumbled onto your site while doing some SEO research tonight and read many of your blog entries with heightened interest. You have accomplished a tremendous amount in SEO for being “self-taught”. I commend you.
Then I came across your post, “An SEOs Love Story.Living With Dying.” My heart goes out to Geri and you for the grief you are suffering. By your description, she is indeed valiant, as are you!
My name is Dale, and by profession, I am a Registered Nurse turning SEO pro. I am currently working in an Infusion Therapy/Chemotherapy clinic. I care for cancer patients of all types, certainly a new experience for me. You are absolutely correct about your new PCP, he is a keeper! Once he was certain you both wanted the truth, he was brave enough to break that truth to you. A doctor with that kind of compassion and integrity is a man I would love to work with anytime – they do tend to be a little scarce.
One of the things I like in my current employment is that we are working with patients that, for the most part, aren’t threatening to “crash and burn” on us. As a nurse we have a little more time to talk with the patient and often their families, understand them and help them get answers to their questions. Most patients are on IV infused drugs and are with us until their condition subsides. We usually have the chance to see the improvement and reinforce their hope that everything is going to be OK.
And then there are our chemotherapy patients. Many do go into remission and their quality of life improves significantly. Sometimes they are back a few months or even a few years later, mounting another battle with their cancer. For some, their journey is an extended one with ups and downs more like a roller coaster. And for a few, their journey is a much shorter one, and their uncertainty becomes bigger than their disease. Their only real certainty is that their health will continue to slip away, but at what rate, they don’t know.
Gerri’s new physician has tempered the uncertainty somewhat by helping you deal matter-of-factly with the hard truth that she will be dying soon. However, please know that the three months he suggested is simply his best guess based upon what he saw at the time of her visit. Her time could be a little longer, but could be as short as three weeks, or even three days.
At this point the threat of getting pneumonia again is becoming the larger threat. Recent studies have suggested that the pneumonia vaccine is not near as effective as was believed. Be careful who she is exposed to and take her to the hospital at the least sign of recurring pneumonia. Also take her to be evaluated if she becomes anemic and needs blood. Discuss the possibility of a PICC or midline vascular access device with them while she still has adequate veins for insertion. The hospital should be able to have that done with or without insurance.
I hope I am not coming across as telling you what to do, but having helped patients and loved ones travel their last journey, I do have a few things to share that may help you both. The time you have together now will be the most precious time of your lives.
Not having any insurance adds a tremendous amount of stress to your situation. Call the hospital before Geri may have to go back and ask them to provide you with a social worker or a patient advocate. Either can advise you as to what level of health care the hospital must provide, even if their is no insurance company to bill. Also ask them about the availability of hospice care in your own home, and have them talk to Geri if that is an option. Passing from this life is greatly buffered if one can be in familiar surroundings when the time comes.
If you have family members or church members that ask what they can do to help, find something and let them help – it brings some comfort to everyone’s sole that is involved. In most communities of any size there are also volunteers or hospice workers that may be able to volunteer time to be with you. The social worker or patient advocate should be able to help you in that regard.
And if I may be so bold as to suggest it, don’t put off discussing her funeral arrangements and what her wishes are, it will only become more difficult with time. Doing it now puts a little more control of Geri’s live back into her hands. I can connect you with online sources of information in that area if you can’t find it online. If you don’t both have a will, take care of the legal stuff now to avoid any unpleasant surprises later. If you need help with this, seek out an associate for Prepaid Legal Services now and sign up for their plan – they will do a will for each of you at no additional cost, but it does take a week or two to get done and is the cheapest legal work you will ever have done.
Above all, cherish each moment that you and Geri have together; you have a lot of things to talk about. Get a portable tape recorder and record conversations so you can relive those conversations when you are ready. If you have any photos that aren’t identified this is a good time to pull out the albums or watch the videos together. Take pictures as loved ones come to visit. Make a list with phone numbers of family and friends that you and Geri want to notify when she does pass away. Then have someone close to you call them NOW and ask them to come for a last visit if they can. This can be very therapeutic for the soul, and you will discover people important to you that may not know about her illness yet.
Laugh together, cry together, love together, and celebrate life together. Be strong and don’t forget to eat and drink and sleep. Peace will descend upon you in your time of need. Please PM me and let me know in what way I can serve you further. Geri and you will both be on my personal prayer list. God bless.
Dale RN
Dale Walker RN
SEO Salt Lake City