Thanks Kate… She doing very well these days for someone who was given 3 months to live in March and who needs a liver… I really appreciate your kind words. I follow you on Twitter.

I stumbled onto your site while doing some SEO research tonight and read many of your blog entries with heightened interest. You have accomplished a tremendous amount in SEO for being “self-taught”. I commend you.

Then I came across your post, “An SEOs Love Story.Living With Dying.” My heart goes out to Geri and you for the grief you are suffering. By your description, she is indeed valiant, as are you!

My name is Dale, and by profession, I am a Registered Nurse turning SEO pro. I am currently working in an Infusion Therapy/Chemotherapy clinic. I care for cancer patients of all types, certainly a new experience for me. You are absolutely correct about your new PCP, he is a keeper! Once he was certain you both wanted the truth, he was brave enough to break that truth to you. A doctor with that kind of compassion and integrity is a man I would love to work with anytime – they do tend to be a little scarce.

One of the things I like in my current employment is that we are working with patients that, for the most part, aren’t threatening to “crash and burn” on us. As a nurse we have a little more time to talk with the patient and often their families, understand them and help them get answers to their questions. Most patients are on IV infused drugs and are with us until their condition subsides. We usually have the chance to see the improvement and reinforce their hope that everything is going to be OK.

And then there are our chemotherapy patients. Many do go into remission and their quality of life improves significantly. Sometimes they are back a few months or even a few years later, mounting another battle with their cancer. For some, their journey is an extended one with ups and downs more like a roller coaster. And for a few, their journey is a much shorter one, and their uncertainty becomes bigger than their disease. Their only real certainty is that their health will continue to slip away, but at what rate, they don’t know.

Gerri’s new physician has tempered the uncertainty somewhat by helping you deal matter-of-factly with the hard truth that she will be dying soon. However, please know that the three months he suggested is simply his best guess based upon what he saw at the time of her visit. Her time could be a little longer, but could be as short as three weeks, or even three days.

At this point the threat of getting pneumonia again is becoming the larger threat. Recent studies have suggested that the pneumonia vaccine is not near as effective as was believed. Be careful who she is exposed to and take her to the hospital at the least sign of recurring pneumonia. Also take her to be evaluated if she becomes anemic and needs blood. Discuss the possibility of a PICC or midline vascular access device with them while she still has adequate veins for insertion. The hospital should be able to have that done with or without insurance.

I hope I am not coming across as telling you what to do, but having helped patients and loved ones travel their last journey, I do have a few things to share that may help you both. The time you have together now will be the most precious time of your lives.

Not having any insurance adds a tremendous amount of stress to your situation. Call the hospital before Geri may have to go back and ask them to provide you with a social worker or a patient advocate. Either can advise you as to what level of health care the hospital must provide, even if their is no insurance company to bill. Also ask them about the availability of hospice care in your own home, and have them talk to Geri if that is an option. Passing from this life is greatly buffered if one can be in familiar surroundings when the time comes.

If you have family members or church members that ask what they can do to help, find something and let them help – it brings some comfort to everyone’s sole that is involved. In most communities of any size there are also volunteers or hospice workers that may be able to volunteer time to be with you. The social worker or patient advocate should be able to help you in that regard.

And if I may be so bold as to suggest it, don’t put off discussing her funeral arrangements and what her wishes are, it will only become more difficult with time. Doing it now puts a little more control of Geri’s live back into her hands. I can connect you with online sources of information in that area if you can’t find it online. If you don’t both have a will, take care of the legal stuff now to avoid any unpleasant surprises later. If you need help with this, seek out an associate for Prepaid Legal Services now and sign up for their plan – they will do a will for each of you at no additional cost, but it does take a week or two to get done and is the cheapest legal work you will ever have done.

Above all, cherish each moment that you and Geri have together; you have a lot of things to talk about. Get a portable tape recorder and record conversations so you can relive those conversations when you are ready. If you have any photos that aren’t identified this is a good time to pull out the albums or watch the videos together. Take pictures as loved ones come to visit. Make a list with phone numbers of family and friends that you and Geri want to notify when she does pass away. Then have someone close to you call them NOW and ask them to come for a last visit if they can. This can be very therapeutic for the soul, and you will discover people important to you that may not know about her illness yet.

Laugh together, cry together, love together, and celebrate life together. Be strong and don’t forget to eat and drink and sleep. Peace will descend upon you in your time of need. Please PM me and let me know in what way I can serve you further. Geri and you will both be on my personal prayer list. God bless.

Dale RN

Dale Walker RN
SEO Salt Lake City